So Zen

keep calm

It has been about two months since I have had my anxiety medicine. I quit taking it for two reasons. One being, the doctor suggested getting it off it at the end of my pregnancy anyways. Two being, I am too lazy and stubborn to find a new physician here, tell her my issues and get a new prescription. I know it’s wrong and childish, but it’s the truth. I’ll find a doctor soon.

The good news is that I have yet to need it. My mind has been more calm than it has been since I can remember. This pregnancy has somehow brought on a sense of calmness that I never even thought possible. I have had zero panic attacks in over 3 months, my nightmares have lessened (I actually had a dream I was vacationing in France the other night… I NEVER dream like that) and even my blood pressure has been low.

For the last 5 years my blood pressure has been on the higher side at every single doctor appointment. The doctors usually chalk it up to “white coat syndrome” and high anxiety, but I can’t help but worry that my family history of heart disease reached me at an early age. However, since my first prenatal doctor appointment I have had ideal blood pressure. I look like the poster child for a healthy heart. I’m so relieved and feel so good that I went to the baby doctor by myself for the first time this week.

This must seem so ridiculous to most of you, but this is an enormous step for me. I was not even nervous, like, at all. In the name of full disclosure, I will say I have had moments of worry, but “normal” people worries. I have worried about breast-feeding, having a healthy baby, raising a child with Husband, etc, but these moments pass. I have not dwelled, worked myself into a panic or anything. Husband has not even once suggested I take my medicine. I don’t even know if he realizes I’m not on anything.

I don’t want to suggest that getting pregnant is the answer to anxiety disorders. I know this isn’t true. Pregnancy can often cause more anxiety; I assumed it would in my case. Pregnancy isn’t the answer to any “problem”, I know that, but it’s possible that it’s motivated me to stay on a healthier track. I workout at least 6 days a week, eat healthier, get more sleep, drink way less coffee and even think more positively. I have been careful not to put myself in situations that typically trigger panic attacks. I have been honest, maybe to a fault, with everyone. Mostly, I am focused on being the best version of me I can be for our family, and it’s working.

Less stress has made a huge difference, as well. Clearly, cutting out my work hours and allowing myself time to relax has both hurt and helped. I need to be busy and I like schedules, and the guilt of doing less has brought on it’s own sense of stress, but I’m learning to find a happy (and healthy) medium.

When my Grandmother passed recently, I was in the middle of a lot of intense moments. I worked with my Mom and sister in the funeral home to help write and edit her eulogy. We put together the photo collages in the director’s office and organized the food in the family room. I held my Mother and my Sister when they needed it, made small talk with relatives I haven’t seen in years and typed up my Grandmother’s entire journal. When everything began I thought the weight of the situation would break me. I thought, “this is it, call the doctor, call a therapist, a downward spiral is sure to hit”, but it didn’t.

Weeks have passed and I’ve yet to crash. I’m like a pregnant Zen master. Where did this come from? I now have a slight worry that the world will come tumbling down once the baby arrives, but who knows? Maybe, I’m taking a permanent turn towards peace and calmness. Or, maybe I’ll just have my ups and down throughout the years. For now, I just want to enjoy these moments.

If you are dealing with high anxiety, panic attacks or even just too much stress try to remember that it will pass. There is a light at the end of your tunnel, and eating healthy, exercising, keeping a healthy mind and living honestly will get you through that tunnel a bit faster. I’m so thankful for the last couple few months of zen-ness.


I Think I’m a Yogi (Giveaway!)


I am not a yoga expert, but I wear a LOT of yoga pants, like everyday. My job requires it, and I am not complaining. I am not a certified yoga teacher, but I teach eight yoga classes a week, again…not complaining. I am not calm or Zen about anything, but I practice being both every day often enough.

Yoga has become a huge part of my life over the last couple of years, but I did not own a yoga mat until a few weeks ago. There are so many yoga mats on the market that I did not even know where to begin. Lucky for me I got three very nice yoga mats to review!

My intention was to try each mat and rank them from “My favorite” to my “Not so favorite.” Turns out I am terrible at ranking and incredibly indecisive. Instead, I’ll tell you what I love and what I don’t love about each mat.



Mat #1: The Jade Yoga Mat

I love that this mat because it is eco-friendly, absolutely impossible to slip on no matter how sweaty you are, very durable and comfy and squishy. The company is all environment friendly and plants a tree for every mat sold. I do not love that it smells like a tire and is the heaviest yoga mat I have ever held.


Belle always has to be a part of the action...
Belle always has to be a part of the action…

Mat #2: The Kulae Mat

I love this mat because it is pretty, the most comfortable yoga mat, eco-friendly, and an “Elite Hybrid”. It’s so soft on my bare feet and not slippery. It’s a cross between a towel and a yoga mat so it’s great for soaking up all the access sweat from your intense hot yoga class. I even get compliments on this mat because everyone thinks it’s so pretty.  You know a yoga mat must look impressive to receive actual compliments.  I do not love that the skinny lines from top to bottom make me dizzy or that it’s a little trickier to clean than a rubber mat.


Such a ham...
Such a ham…


Mat #3: The Barefoot yoga Mat

I love this mat because it is pink, it’s also eco-friendly, and it is very light and the easiest to carry and use for traveling. It’s also a hybrid mat and is affordable, which is a huge plus! I do not love that there is nothing visually that separates this mat from any other yoga mat on the market.



Belle being very Zen
Belle being very Zen

Overall, every yoga mat was great and did it’s job with flying colors. Now, I have some VERY exciting news!  Kulae sent me an extra mat to give to one of you! I have a lovely pink Elite Hot Hybrid yoga mat for one lucky follower. Just “follow” me, and leave a comment telling me why you love, hate or have never done yoga. Hopefully the lucky winner can use their new fancy-pants yoga mat to get in shape, nap on or just carry around to match the yoga pants they wear to the grocery store.

*Winner will be announced in two weeks! (Saturday, March 2nd)


Best of luck!