My Unlucky Badonkadonk

I may have danced for many years of my life, but I am not the most graceful person. I am always dropping things, bumping my head, tripping over my own two feet, and burning myself anytime I attempt cooking. My mishaps are often very embarrassing. Sometimes, I do not even tell Husband how I ridiculously hurt myself. Especially since it is often a result of me being careless and senseless.

This weekend I hurt myself…twice. Both are a little embarrassing, but also so silly that I have to share them with you.  I am hoping that some of you will get a good laugh, and the rest of you will share your own embarrassing story in return, to make me feel a little better.

It all began on Saturday night. Zoey, Husband and I all went to see the most awesome exhibit ever at The Park Avenue Armory. I will write an entire post on it another day, but for now you can have the gist. It is basically a giant room full of swings all attached to one enormous piece of fabric that sways from the ceiling.  That sounds odd, but trust me, it was the best exhibit ever.


After using the swings we laid on the floor under the fabric to watch it flow. A while later, I sat up and scooted back on the wood floor to reach my purse.  That’s when it happened; two giant splinters when through my jeans and all the way into my left butt cheek.

I pulled the big pieces out immediately, but I could feel tiny splinters in my tush getting caught on my jeans every step I took. That made for a very uncomfortable walk home. At home I attempted to remove the splinters using a compact and tweezers, which was a major fail. I tried to contort myself in order to get a better view, but in the end it was Husband who had to step up and save the day.

My booty was just starting to heal by Monday morning. I woke before Husband and got dressed in our bathroom to keep from waking him. There are steam pipes that run through our floors and up through our ceilings in every room in the apartment, including the bathroom. These pipes are connected to the radiator and periodically heat up throughout the day. They get so hot in fact, that they hiss and bubble and are severely hot to the touch.

So, I am getting dressed, which I rarely do in the bathroom, and I bend over to pull my pants up. I’m still tired and a little groggy (no coffee yet) and I start to lean towards the wall. My bare bum then rests against the steam pipe. It took a second or two for my un-caffeinated brain to make the connections: hot pole + bare bum = lots of pain. Have you ever accidently grabbed the wrong end of your curling iron? It was similar experience.

By the time I moved, screamed, and began hopping out of the bathroom with my pants still around my ankles my right butt cheek was already blistered up from the burn. I have never had a burn blister so quickly. Ouch.

Luckily, we had some burn cream on hand from the random First-Aid kit Dad gave me. I honestly thought, “We’ll never use this” when Dad gave it to me. Now, I am embarrassed to say how many times we have taken it out in the last 6 months. I spent the rest of the morning walking around pant-less for fear of anything rubbing against the burn.

I considered cutting a hole in a pair of leggings before leaving the house, but once again Husband came to the rescue and covered me with gauze and tape. Now, I lay here tossing and turning trying to figure out which side hurts less. It’s a real pain in the…well you know.