So Sometimes Pregnancy Isn’t Fun

Last night, I slept. I slept for 5 straight hours without waking once to pee, recover from a nightmare or knock the cat off my face. It was glorious. I am now wide awake, drinking tea, eating biscuits and enjoying the company of some of our best friends who are staying with us this week. Today feels perfect. Thank God, because yesterday was hell.

For months now I have written about how wonderful my pregnancy has been. I have felt great, stayed active, ate mostly healthy and been able to enjoy all the miraculous little things happening to me. Honestly, besides feeling a tiny human roll around inside me, I haven’t really felt pregnant. Until yesterday.

Yesterday, I slept not at all. I had to get up to go to the bathroom 4 times, stop the dog from wanting to play fetch at 4am, keep the cat from smothering me all night, deal with the WORST. HEARTBURN. EVER. and just could not get comfortable. Lying in bed all night while your Husbands sleeps soundly next to you is possibly the most annoying thing ever. Sometimes, I “accidentally” drop something when I can’t sleep and he’s snoring away… but he never wakes. By the time 6am rolled around, my heartburn turned into the worst stomach ache ever and I gave up on my attempt at bed time.

I was nauseous all day, my back hurt all over and there was simply no time for resting. For the first time in a very long time I had no appetite. Our baby girl decided to try to get her entire body under my ribcage and for the first time in 7 months I thought, “Okay, that’s it. I’m done. Pregnancy is no longer fun.” Every single part of my body hurt. Just driving took all of my focus and energy. EVEN Starbucks didn’t help, at all! Oh and I’m 99% I was experience Braxton Hicks contractions…they weren’t terrible, but they were pretty uncomfortable.

We had several friends over last night for chili, drinks and games. Normally, I am up all night and participating in every shenanigan. I loathe missing out. However, last night, I gave up. I told everyone good night before the games even started and crawled into my bed for a night of recovery. Even in bed. Even with my most favorite pregnancy pillow. EVEN with my little dog snuggled in my nook, I felt miserable. Sleep was what I needed, heartburn is what I was given. So “sleeping” turned into sitting up right, a dose of zantac and Netflix.

Eventually, I did sleep, which leads me to today’s “perfect” day. I don’t have any tips for sucky pregnancy days or advice in this post, I just needed you to know that not every day is great. Some days sucks. Sometimes pregnancy isn’t fun. Sometimes life isn’t fun. Sometimes we just need to go to sleep and start over. There. There’s your advice for the day. If it is sucky day just go back to bed and start over.


Must. Have. Coffee

Last night I did not sleep. Like, at all. I put on Sabrina assuming I’d drift off to Audrey’s pleasant voice and dream of attending culinary school in Paris. I did not. Next, I put on season 4 of Boy Meets World…which played until my alarm went off. At one point, I started to drift off, but dreamed that our apartment was infested with rats (the big kind that live in the train stations). I woke up terrified and positive that rats were crawling across the floor. Needless to say, I made my coffee extra strong this morning.

No day is easy on little to no sleep, but working with children is excruciating. How is it that every child has unlimited amounts of energy!? My job is more or less to exhaust them. It never works. The only person panting and running for the water fountain at the end of an hour-long intense cardio-type class is me. My zombie state today mostly consisted of me pretending to be excited and full of energy. At one point I started singing “Good Time” in order to hold my eyes open and thankfully my class of 5 year olds quickly joined in and sang along.

The sleepless night left me with a migraine and a twitching left eye as well. I wear many hats in my job which means I run from place to place all day long on a strict schedule. I was so delirious today that I showed up late to 3 classes and went to the wrong class twice. Thankfully, everyone at my job is either understanding or oblivious.

I keep saying I am going to cut back to one cup of a coffee a day, but today I didn’t even feel guilty when I ran across the street to Starbucks for a midday iced coffee. As I ordered coffee with a friend from work we decided to eat lunch and drink our coffee outside because it was 80 degrees outside. 80 DEGREES. We took our shoes off, rolled up our yoga pants and within minutes a few more co-workers joined us and we sun-bathed through our entire lunch break.

Wow. What a difference some vitamin D makes. After lunch, every one of us returned happier, warmer and energized. I think I forgot what warmth felt like; this has been the longest winter ever!

So, the cure to a sleepless night: iced coffee and sunbathing. It does a body good.

Tonight, I am going to bed with the windows open, some sleepy-time tea and a good book. Let’s see if this works!


*If you read the post before I updated it, then you probably noticed that I’m so sleepy I couldn’t even insert the link to the video correctly. I give up. Good night!

Cement Bags (Giveaway!)

I’m a girl. I love shoes. I love bags. I love Target. And, I love chocolate. I like to believe that stereotypes are false, but in this case they are spot on. When I moved to New York I got rid of most of my belongings. We had to clean out our crap in order to fit comfortably in a NY apartment. Now…almost 2 years later…my shoe and bag collection have doubled (I swear they are reproducing) and are definitely taking over the closets, walls, hooks, and doorknobs.

Even with ALL of my bags, I was still looking for one more. I needed a duffel bag. I am always lugging around my work clothes, workout clothes, extra shoes, nook, iPad, bottle of water, snacks, my giant agenda, and a plethora of junk. Most days I leave the house with a purse and a tote bag. Tote bags are the best, but I needed a bag with zippers. Why don’t any tote bags have zippers???

Anyhow, I recently found my perfect duffel bag. It’s cute, it’s not bulky, it’s eco-friendly and it’s even educational. The company’s mission statement explains it all:

Concrete is the most consumed man-made material on earth and more than half of all the world’s concrete consumption occurs in Asia. Unfortunately, accurate data for Asia is not available. As a comparison, the U.S., the third largest consumer of concrete behind India and China, throws away about 39 million bags of concrete per year. Therefore, in Asia nearly triple that number of bags is wasted each year. Lastly, concrete bags are produced mainly from dwindling oil and natural gas resources. Besides immense CO2 emissions, concrete consumption produces waste when transporting it via bags. Instead of these bags ending up in landfills, we believe these bags should be repurposed into useful, fun, and fashionable items.

My bag is made from a used cement bag. It isn’t soft and it’s a little crunchy, but it’s my new favorite bag.

My elephant bag the day I got it.
My Concrete Mode bag the day I got it.
walking home with my new bag, don't I look sporty?
walking home with my new bag, don’t I look sporty?

Concrete Mode is so awesome and generous that they would like to host a giveaway here on Positively Panicked! Woohoo!

We are giving away a Blue iPad case. Here are some photos of the recycled iPad case with my iPad.

It's a plus that elephants are my favorite animals.
It’s a plus that elephants are my favorite animals.
the back
the back



IMG_4534 IMG_4537

If you like the case (and you know you do) please follow my blog and leave a comment below telling me what you love most about your iPad or your tablet. I love mine because I have every episode of Sex and the City on it. Late at night, when I’m feeling anxious and can’t calm my thoughts long enough to sleep, I turn on my iPad and let Carrie and the girls calm my nerves.

Winner will be announced in two weeks! (February  16th)

Now, if I could just find somewhere to organize all these bags…


Three Parties in 9 Hours or Less

My first full day in Texas was not exactly relaxing, in fact it was quite the opposite, but it was the kind busy day that is fun. The kind of busy day I wouldn’t mind having every weekend.

My morning began early because I had lots of decorations to prepare for the shower on Sunday. I worked all morning and early afternoon cutting, sewing, pasting, and organizing. I drank strong coffee, watched non-stop E! (I love that my parents have cable… we don’t), and only slowed down enough to east some chips and guacamole. I loved it.

I was so busy, that I lost track of time, and before I knew it, it was time for one of my best friend’s little boy’s first birthday party! I drove into town (that’s what we say in Texas..”into town”) to attend the cutest little party you ever did see! Mr. Handsome had a camping themed Birthday party complete with smore making, a popcorn machine, weenie roasting, and even an outdoor movie.

They had a fire pit for roasting marshmallows and hotdogs.
They had a fire pit for roasting marshmallows and hotdogs.
Another "honorary nephew"
Another “honorary nephew”
watching "Brother Bear" on the big screen
watching “Brother Bear” on the big screen


My favorite part!
My favorite part!

Spending time with my favorite ladies and their children is quickly becoming my favorite pastime. I often hear that when your friend’s have children, you rarely see them again. That is not the case with my friends. First, I already rarely see them considering I live across the country. Secondly, they are the best Mom’s and manage to raise perfect little cherubs while still maintaining our friendship. Watching them love on their little ones, and seeing their little ones turn into little mini-versions of their parents is just magical.

The party flew by, and I had to say good-bye and head to the next event: My cousin’s wedding. I was fully prepared to head from a baby party to a wedding. I packed extra clothes, some makeup for touch-ups and extra bobby pins. There was one little problem though… During the Birthday party I sat by a large fire pit for about 3 hours straight. By the time I found my seat at the wedding I had everyone in my family asking, “Where’s the fire?” “Are they burning incense?” “Anyone in the mood to roast marshmallows?” …Aren’t they hilarious?

The wedding was beautiful. My cousin looked so happy and in love. The best part was watching the parents. Everyone looked so blissful and proud. I have always loved attending wedding, but I think I enjoy them even more since my own.

the happy couple
the happy couple

Once again, time ran out, and I had to leave again to trek to one more party.

The third party was a 50th Birthday Surprise party for another cousin. We were late, so we missed the big surprise, but we didn’t miss the party! I really enjoyed getting to catch up with some cousins I have not seen in a VERY long time. We danced a little, drank a little, ate a little, and then remembered we had a big shower to get ready for the next day!

Mom and I at the party
Mom and I at the party

I managed to get in bed by 2am…not too shabby for a 3-party day.

I may not have slept much the weekend I spent in Texas, but I enjoyed every moment I spent wide awake!


Trying to Catch Some ZZzzz’s

One of my biggest struggles in life is getting enough sleep. This is most often to do with anxiety and stress. From the age of 15 to 25 I slept for an average of 4 hours a night. I hated going to sleep because I could not stand to be alone with my thoughts. I would lay in bed obsessing over my heart-rate, a bump on my leg, and every other symptom I could create. To keep myself from being stuck with the scary non-stop thoughts I would just go-go-go until I physically could not move and would pass out from exhaustion.

It did not help that I knew lack of sleep is extremely unhealthy AND even leads to higher anxiety. So, when I could convince myself to get in bed at a decent time I would worry that I couldn’t fall asleep and then obsess over the side effects of being sleep deprived. It’s madness, I know.

Once while traveling, I stayed in a hostel with a guy who told me all about his struggle with insomnia…the poor guy kept giving me every little detail not knowing that I was soaking it all up and storing it for my own future panic attacks. Convinced then, that I too had insomnia, I didn’t sleep for weeks!

While living in Albania, I learned to sleep. We were forced to live like Europeans (and I mean that in a very good way). We moved slower, sat down to drink our coffee, ate 3 hour dinners, and relaxed. We really relaxed. I not only slept at night, but I slept late, I took naps, I slept on the beach, I slept on our picnics, I slept anytime I was tired…it was glorious.

Getting all that sleep spoiled me, and now I cannot understand how I functioned for ten years on such little sleep.

Lately, I have been struggling again. I lay in bed at night, mind running wild with to-do lists and worries, and cannot go to sleep.  A couple of hours pass and I then worry that I won’t wake up in time for work. More time passes and I worry I’ll never go to sleep. When I do eventually drift off, I wake up to the slightest movement or sound and struggle to go back to sleep.

I am not sure if it’s anxiety, my busy schedule the last couple of weeks, or something else, but I am tired (literally) and ready for a full night’s sleep. Since I’m not as skilled as I once was at sleepless nights, its starting to show. I’m grumpy at work (What do you mean we’re out of coffee!?!?!?!?!), mixing up my words (Chairs in your sit please!), and have very little patience (Did I mention I got peed on today?). Even my boss is noticing the bags under my eyes.

It’s now 1:40am on a work night, AND I am flying to Texas tomorrow. I know I should be in bed, but the anxiety over the trip and work beforehand is keeping me up.

I don’t have any answers or suggestions for this blog. I only have a promise. I am promising to try to get more sleep. I promise to search for the root of the problem, start getting in bed earlier, and sleep. Who’s going to hold me accountable?? Anyone else deal with insomnia?


Hi-ho, Hi-ho, It’s back to work I go

NYC kids began their new school year today, which means I began my new work year. Obviously, I was thrilled. I got a new backpack to put my work supplies in, ate a healthy dinner, went to bed early, and woke up with the sun… excited for a new year with new friends!

Yeah right.

I ate an entire bag of popcorn at midnight, didn’t got to sleep until 4am (but that’s typical anytime I go back to work after a long break), and slept through my first 2 alarms.  I really do like my job, but I like my days off better.

This morning, I decided to put on my Positive Polly attitude and get pumped up about going to work, and to do my very best to keep that outlook all day.

Here’s my list of why it’s so totally wonderful to go back to work.

-Being productive and busy makes me more productive and busy. One of my favorite quotes is “If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.” ~(Lucille Ball) I definitely get much more done when I am working, even though I have SO much more time when I’m off.

-Get to see my work friends.

-I’m starting a brand new dance program that I get to create from scratch, and I KNOW it’s going to be awesome!

-Getting a raise, woo!

-Getting health insurance, double woo!!

-The smell of coffee first thing in the morning.

-Good Morning America

-An excuse to buy new clothes

-AND seeing the smiling faces of all the sweet cuties I’ve missed this summer.

I guess I do have a little to be excited about. I think it’s going to be a great year. Good luck to all the teachers and kiddos who start school this week!