Why am I Blogging?

I took a break from blogging this last few days because I needed some time to step back and reflect on not only what I’ve been writing for the past few years, but where I want the writing to go in the future. I began blogging to keep in touch with family and friends while traveling overseas, and continued blogging because I not only enjoyed it, but it became very therapeutic and a much needed creative outlet. It’s true that writing benefits my soul and my need to “let it all out”, but I’ve learned that it does so much more. I’ve been able to make connections with people from around the world, find new friends and reconnect with old friends. It’s grown and I’ve grown right along with it.

Enjoying the beaches of southern Albania, where my blogging all began!
Enjoying the beaches of southern Albania, where my blogging all began!

Positively Panicked actually began as Adventures of a Teacher. My blogged centered around teaching and traveling in Europe for year, and I thought it would end there. Then, I moved to New York and decided to continue sharing my new adventures. Soon after, I created Positively Panicked as an outlet for my anxiety with a hope that I could reach out and relate to people with similar issues. However, a lot happened over the last three years and I began blogging about weddings, life in the city, reviews, giveaways, marriage, moving, buying a home and of course, having a baby. When I look back over my post it reads like a diary or a blog-themed reality show. Honestly, it’s a hot mess of ideas, stories and the misadventures of me.

A whirlwind of coming back to the states, going to Disney, getting engaged and moving to NY!
A whirlwind of coming back to the states, going to Disney, getting engaged and moving to NY!

The one theme that has remained is positivity. I try my best to be a positive person. Whether I’m chasing after a missed train in Italy, losing luggage in New York, crying in the doctor’s office, freaking out over seating charts, creating elementary curriculums, learning to live in the country or losing sleep because of a newborn; I have tried to find the silver lining or the light at the end of the tunnel and I owe that to this blog. I am definitely not always positive. My life has some really crappy moments like everyone else’s, but when I decide to write and share these moments with you I begin to look at those crappy experiences differently. As I write, I learn to find the good.

Trying to find our way in Stockholm.
Trying to find our way in Stockholm.

There are many days that I wake up wanting to do nothing. Sometimes (okay, lots of times) sleeping late, staying in my pj’s, ignoring my phone and binging on Netflix and frozen pizza is what I want most. Sometimes I give into these lazy days of indulgence because we all need a good pajama day, but most days I choose to find an adventure. I choose to get out, to live, to meet people, to face my anxiety, to jump off that cliff, run across the train tracks, buy that one way ticket, attempt to cook, attend that party and everything else. It all began because I needed something to write about. I needed stories to share, so I went out and found a story, and now? Now, it’s a beautiful habit. Now, I know I’ll be more than happy that I got out and faced some fear. Now, it’s easier to see the positive side of life. Now, I hope to encourage some of you.

Just "monkeying around" in Costa Rica
Just “monkeying around” in Costa Rica

Don’t let fear rule your life. It’s so easy to stay home, to make excuses and dwell on everything wrong in life, but why settle for easy? Challenge yourself to find daily adventure. Quit putting off that getaway, that coffee with a long-lost friend, that sewing project or that overdue doctor appointment. Look at it like a new adventure and search for that silver lining. It’s not always easy, in fact, it’s often a huge challenge, but that’s what makes life worth living. Some days you’ll fail and settle for a pajama day, but other days you’ll jump and you’ll wonder what you were ever so afraid of, and you’ll learn a lot about yourself and a strength you never knew you had.

Meeting Luna
Meeting Luna

That’s where I want my blog to focus. I will be sharing my adventures (the good, the bad and the scary), writing about the times I succeed and the many times I fail while searching for the good in it all. I hope you join me for the ride!

Cheers!

We Bought a House, Not in NY

Remember that blog I wrote about making my biggest adult decision? I wrote about how I always make plans, how those plans always change and how our newest plan is to buy a home in New York City. Well, as you all have figured out now, our plans changed again.

We have had lots of trouble finding a home here. The apartments are either too expensive, too small or too far away. After months of frustration and terrible realtors Husband said words I never thought I’d hear him say…”Why don’t we look in Tennessee?” I was shocked, but excited because I have been secretly looking at houses in Middle Tennessee for months; not because I didn’t want to live in New York, but because I knew we would move back eventually and I just liked looking at what was on the market.

We  agreed to keep looking in both places, but Tennessee kept looking better and better. Over spring break I flew to Nashville to look at dozens of houses with our new realtor and my in-laws. I was supposed to look alone because Husband was in Boston, but fortunately he was flown in to work and had the day off my last day there. We spent this day looking at the house that was my favorite. We spent HOURS in this house discussing, planning, crying and debating.

Choosing a home is HARD. We want the home we buy to be as close to our dream house as possible because we want this to be the home we raise a family in, the home where we stay. This home has to have plenty of space, a big yard, outdoor seating areas, lots of windows, a good school district, big closets and character (no cookie cutter homes please).

The house we looked at that last morning has almost every one of those qualities, and where it’s lacking, it makes up for in potential.  After a few hours of discussing every possible pro and con we put an offer on the house, just minutes before I hopped in the car to head to the airport. I was so sick to my stomach when I landed in New York that I made the taxi driver roll down the windows even though it was 35 degrees outside. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and would vomit at any moment. Also, I wanted to soak in every bit of the city possible. I know Husband and I will be happy no matter where we live, but how do I know if this house/move is the right decision for us? For our family?!

The next day, while waiting in the airport for my friend Sara, I got the call that our offer was accepted, and I stood in the middle of the airport with my jaw on the floor because excitement and terror hit me like a train. We get a house. We get a real home with real rooms and bathtubs, closets, dishwashers and a laundry room. We get to start a family. We will be so close to family and friends. BUT, we have to leave NY. I have to quit my job, the job I love. We are going to settle down. We are going to live on 3 acres where no one will deliver Thai vegetarian duck at 2am!

All week I have had dreams that my teeth are falling out or that I’m in a pageant and I have no makeup on and my hair is a mess. My face is breaking out. I cry because I feel too blessed. I cry because Central Park won’t be 5 blocks away. Then, I spend an hour pinning home decor ideas on Pinterest. I’m pretty sure this means I feel unprepared and that I deal horribly with change. I am really very excited to move and start a new life, just a little sad to leave too.

I cried when I told my boss, but feel better now.

I want to tell you all about the house and share pictures, but we still have inspections and whatnot to go through before it closes so there is still a little chance something terrible could be wrong with the home, but let’s hope that’s not the case. Once everything is said and done, I will be thrilled to share many many more details. (Like the fact the most adorable little coffee shop is right down the road and they make the best lattes!)

Anyways, send us lots of love, luck, prayers, and positive vibes until then. Nashville….looks like I’ll be seeing you in June!

Cheers!