Positively Pregnant and Panicked

It’s been far too long since I have talked about anxiety and panic attacks. This is mostly because when I have panicked over the last couple of months it always centered around being pregnant. Since, the pregnancy was a secret for 10 weeks, I couldn’t exactly write about how I felt.

Overall, I am thrilled with how I’ve mentally handled everything. With moving, quitting my job, getting pregnant, attempting to fix up an entire house and traveling all summer I am surprised I haven’t had to up dosage and invest in a straight jacket. I am mostly happy, comfortable and positive about the future…mostly.

On any regular day I have to work to keep the negative and obsessive thoughts at bay and pregnancy has been no different. At any moment over the last 3 months I may have thought one or more of the below…

-I am not really pregnant.

-I am having a miscarriage.

-Something is wrong with this baby.

-We are going to screw up this kid.

-I am going to die in childbirth.

-I am going to get fat and stay fat forever.

-I broke the baby.

-I am having a heart attack (always).

-I am growing to fast.

-I am not being healthy enough.

-I should be teaching.

-I am doing everything wrong.

-I’m lazy, useless and should have a job.

-Everything is changing and I don’t feel the same. (Thanks Keane)

I know this all sounds so depressing and morbid, but that’s what high anxiety and panic attacks does to a person. It’s a little monster invading your every thought and forcing you to dwell on what might/could/will happen. My biggest fear after we decided to have a baby was that I will not be able to handle it. My panic attacks and anxiety have been mostly under control for a while, but what if the hormones and changes bring it all back? What if I go crazy? What if I can’t handle it??

28 years of experience has taught me that my anxiety is at its worse when I have to face big changes in my life. What could be bigger than moving, settling down and starting a family…especially for us? I stressed more about possibly having anxiety during pregnancy than the actual pregnancy itself.

Now, the great news is that even though these negative thoughts are sneaking in and trying to keep me from enjoying this exciting time in my life, I have been able to stay stable and stop them. All my practicing, retail therapy, medicine, praying and yoga are worth it because I feel stronger than ever. I am able to think rationally and remind myself that these scenarios are so unlikely. THEN, I am actually able to stop dwelling, or at least recognize I am about to go down the rabbit hole and seek rational thoughts from Husband.

I am also allowing/forcing myself to relax. Anxiety is common in pregnancy for everyone so I am making time to distress as often as I can. I have been taking baths, reading, doing yoga, writing and spending quality time with friends. It’s not easy for me to relax (I love to work and be busy), but I can tell it’s helping. I so often forget how necessary it is to unwind.

AND, the truly unbelievable thing is that I have not had any medicine in 3 weeks! Not because I wanted to stop taking it, but because I forgot to refill my prescription while traveling and have yet to do so. Miraculously, I still feel fine. I am so amazed at myself. (I do plan on refilling the prescription ASAP, but still…this is unbelievable.)

My advice to anyone who lives with panic attacks and wants to have children is to get control of them first. Do whatever you need to do to get healthier and stronger, be responsible and prepare yourself for the major changes. Change is hard, and we (panic-attack-havers) need lots of preparation before tackling any new challenges.

Here’s to 28 more weeks of a mostly calm and happy pregnancy!

Cheers!

Being Brave

I had a doctor appointment today. It was just a standard check-up. My doctor wanted to see me one last time before I move to Tennessee. My last appointment went fairly well. My medicines had been working, and I really like my doctor so my nerves were relatively low. This doctor appointment was not quite as calm.

As excited as I am about moving and being a homeowner, I am also very very anxious. I don’t feel anxious. I feel excited and stressed at times, but not anxious. However, my body has a mind of its own and has been showing every symptom of anxiety, including: headaches, mouth ulcers, inability to eat/digest food, insomnia and panic attacks just to name a few. So, when my doctor asked “How have you been?” it took every bit of me not to cry.

I hate admitting that I am not don’t feel perfect. I typically only go to the doctor when I am sure that I am 100% healthy. I make sure to get eight hours of sleep the night before, eat only the healthiest of food the day before and I don’t even have coffee until after each doctor appointment. Every visit feels like a test, and I’ve always been a straight A student. I only want to answer her question with “Awesome! I feel absolutely perfect!”

The doctor just stared at me as I whispered “Not great” and then said “So tell me what’s going on”. I love my doctor she is calm, sweet, understanding and never treats me like I’m crazy. She takes everything I say very seriously and then proceeds to talk to me like child who is afraid of the dark. She assures me that I will be okay, things will get better and that it is perfectly acceptable to use a night-light when I am scared.

The doctor has been my substitute psychologist as well. She always asks me to tell her EVERYTHING, so I do. The words spill out of me like a faucet I can’t turn off….I’m moving. My husband isn’t here. I have to leave my job. I’m living out of a suitcase. I don’t have a new job. I’m scared I can’t get pregnant. I don’t know if I even want a teaching job. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t be at my house right now making sure the jobs are all getting done. I have one million things to do before moving. My medicine isn’t working. I had a panic attack in the stairwell….

She listened and let me talk without ever interrupting. When I finished she calmly said that she doesn’t deal well with change either. Some people just have a hard time with change. Even changes that one may be very excited about. She then gave me a list of things to do (workout more, eat healthier, drink less caffeine, don’t be too scared of my Xanax prescription, check blood pressure more often), and I just thought “awesome, more stuff to add to my list”.

We said our good-byes and thank you’s, and I left feeling utter relief. I began walking towards Starbuck’s (my big girl reward for going to the doctor) and without warning began crying. I don’t know if I felt so relieved to have survived another doctor appointment, or maybe it was verbally releasing all my concerns or that I just needed to cry. Whatever it was, I stood on the sidewalk between the doctor’s office and Starbucks and cried. I didn’t want strangers to start throwing pity change my way, so I pulled on my sunglasses and pretended to play on my phone as the tears rolled down my cheeks.

*I wrote this blog last night because I was feeling brave. Brave because I am still facing my fears, and brave for being so open here in my little blog world. However, I also felt wrong. After, all the news reports, photos and videos from yesterdays tornado’s in Oklahoma it just did not feel right to share a story about my “bravery”. I was brave, yes, but I cannot imagine the bravery the parents, teachers, neighbors, doctors, fire fighters and friends of the Moore and Oklahoma city are all showing.

Instead of ending this with a proper conclusion, which I suck at writing anyways, I’ll end by just sending out some positive vibes and a big giant prayer to everyone effected by the storm.

And with this video…because it’s so happy and so moving.

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50147264n

This woman lost everything. EVERYTHING. She’s thankful to just be alive. Then, in the middle of the rubble, she finds her love! Such a miracle.

Cheers!

We Bought a House, Not in NY

Remember that blog I wrote about making my biggest adult decision? I wrote about how I always make plans, how those plans always change and how our newest plan is to buy a home in New York City. Well, as you all have figured out now, our plans changed again.

We have had lots of trouble finding a home here. The apartments are either too expensive, too small or too far away. After months of frustration and terrible realtors Husband said words I never thought I’d hear him say…”Why don’t we look in Tennessee?” I was shocked, but excited because I have been secretly looking at houses in Middle Tennessee for months; not because I didn’t want to live in New York, but because I knew we would move back eventually and I just liked looking at what was on the market.

We  agreed to keep looking in both places, but Tennessee kept looking better and better. Over spring break I flew to Nashville to look at dozens of houses with our new realtor and my in-laws. I was supposed to look alone because Husband was in Boston, but fortunately he was flown in to work and had the day off my last day there. We spent this day looking at the house that was my favorite. We spent HOURS in this house discussing, planning, crying and debating.

Choosing a home is HARD. We want the home we buy to be as close to our dream house as possible because we want this to be the home we raise a family in, the home where we stay. This home has to have plenty of space, a big yard, outdoor seating areas, lots of windows, a good school district, big closets and character (no cookie cutter homes please).

The house we looked at that last morning has almost every one of those qualities, and where it’s lacking, it makes up for in potential.  After a few hours of discussing every possible pro and con we put an offer on the house, just minutes before I hopped in the car to head to the airport. I was so sick to my stomach when I landed in New York that I made the taxi driver roll down the windows even though it was 35 degrees outside. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and would vomit at any moment. Also, I wanted to soak in every bit of the city possible. I know Husband and I will be happy no matter where we live, but how do I know if this house/move is the right decision for us? For our family?!

The next day, while waiting in the airport for my friend Sara, I got the call that our offer was accepted, and I stood in the middle of the airport with my jaw on the floor because excitement and terror hit me like a train. We get a house. We get a real home with real rooms and bathtubs, closets, dishwashers and a laundry room. We get to start a family. We will be so close to family and friends. BUT, we have to leave NY. I have to quit my job, the job I love. We are going to settle down. We are going to live on 3 acres where no one will deliver Thai vegetarian duck at 2am!

All week I have had dreams that my teeth are falling out or that I’m in a pageant and I have no makeup on and my hair is a mess. My face is breaking out. I cry because I feel too blessed. I cry because Central Park won’t be 5 blocks away. Then, I spend an hour pinning home decor ideas on Pinterest. I’m pretty sure this means I feel unprepared and that I deal horribly with change. I am really very excited to move and start a new life, just a little sad to leave too.

I cried when I told my boss, but feel better now.

I want to tell you all about the house and share pictures, but we still have inspections and whatnot to go through before it closes so there is still a little chance something terrible could be wrong with the home, but let’s hope that’s not the case. Once everything is said and done, I will be thrilled to share many many more details. (Like the fact the most adorable little coffee shop is right down the road and they make the best lattes!)

Anyways, send us lots of love, luck, prayers, and positive vibes until then. Nashville….looks like I’ll be seeing you in June!

Cheers!

Being Medicated

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Monday was my one-month anniversary of finally visiting a doctor and getting my health on track. I’m already feeling better and I didn’t even cry this time! I want to celebrate by sharing some experiences and answering some questions about anxiety medication.

When I began writing Positively Panicked I began getting lots of questions like How does medication help? Is the medication addictive? Is it the only answer? Does it have side effects? Will you need to be on this medication forever? Is it really necessary?

I don’t mind the questions. In fact, I’m happy to answer them because I want my friends and family to have a better understanding of my life with anxiety and anyone who is dealing with any psychiatric disorder. As a disclaimer, keep in mind that this is strictly from my experiences with anxiety and medicine…everyone is different, very different.

Everyone gets anxious. We each have certain situations that cause us to stress or worry, but some of us stress and worry all day everyday. Some of us have panic attacks. We are the ones with anxiety/panic disorders. On any typical day I worry about every single little occurrence.

No one will like me because of my zits. My boss wants to meet with me, I must be getting fired. Husband didn’t call when he said…he was probably run over by a taxi. My stomach hurts because I’m getting a virus. I can’t breathe. My chest hurts. I’m having a heart attack. Oh, it’s going to be so embarrassing when an ambulance picks me up from work. I wonder if people will visit me in the hospital. I wonder if they’ll miss me when I die. What if I can’t have children….

And it goes on and on. I sweat all day, can’t keep food down, my blood pressure is high, my head hurts and my pulses races because of my constant anxiety. The anxiety is mental, but it causes physical ailments. This is not something I can fix through yoga, prayer, friends or relaxing. Believe me…I’VE TRIED. For years, I have tried.

I used to pray every night for peace, for God to carry my burdens… I would literally say “I’m casting my cares upon you! Please! Take them, I can’t carry them anymore!” It took me years to realize that prayer isn’t always simple. Sometimes I was really angry. Often I felt depressed, but now I feel grateful. I finally heard the answer.

The medicine allows me to get through a day and worry at appropriate times. I’m not a zombie or without feelings. I still cry at cheesy commercials. I get angry when Husband leaves his clothes on the floor for the 5,000th time. I get excited when one of my students masters a new skill, and I worry when I should worry. I feel like I can be me; the person the anxiety is always concealing.

Medicine is not the only option. Some people improve with lifestyle changes, others need therapy, but most need a combination of things.  I need a little of all of the above. The goal is to gain control of my thoughts, reverse my negative beliefs and eventually stop taking medicine.

At my recent appointment the doctor said my blood pressure and heart rate were much better. Luckily, the medicine and dosage are working just as they should and it’s keeping me healthy.

One more question I often hear: Are you worried about being too open/honest with EVERYONE?

My answer: Not at all. Being honest and living so openly is such a relief. I’ve heard from several friends, family members and readers who can relate and are now recognizing their own struggles. I couldn’t be happier.

Thank you to everyone for stopping by each day to read about my life, my fears, and positively panicked moments.

Cheers!

P.S. Got anymore questions? Ask away!

My Wild Imagination Teamed up With Xanax

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While watching Fantasmic at Disneyland recently we sat quietly during the pre-show to hear the famous speech that introduces the show every night….

….Nothing is more wonderful than the imagination, for in a moment you can experience a beautiful or an exciting adventure…

At this point I whispered to Husband, “My imagination is a bit scarier”.

…But BEWARE nothing is more powerful than the imagination, for it can also expand your greatest fears into an overwhelming nightmare…”

I lean into Husband, “That sounds about right”.

…Are the powers of Mickey’s incredible imagination strong enough and bright enough to withstand the evil forces that invade Mickey’s dream”?

“If Mickey had Xanax this wouldn’t be a problem”, at this point Husband gave me the stop talking and watch the show glare.

I am no expert, and I haven’t done the research, but from my experiences I would say the majority of people on anxiety medications have two prescriptions. One is a daily medicine. This one is typically an SSRI (a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) and helps keep the constant daily anxiety at bay.

The second is an “in case of emergency medicine”. Most people are prescribed a Benzodiazepine. You’ve probably heard of Klonopin and Xanax.  These drugs act as sedatives on the nervous system, can become addictive and should not be taken everyday.

I have both prescriptions. My daily one is a lifesaver! Oh my, I was terrified to take the medication (part of having an anxiety disorder), but soon after starting I realized I felt like myself again. Like I can make it through one day without sweating profusely, digestion problems and chest pains. The difference of being on the medicine and off the medicine is night and day, life and death, caffeine and decaf.

My “in case of emergency” medicine scares me. It has more side effects; it’s stronger, more serious and completely foreign to me. Over the last month there were times that I needed it. Times when I couldn’t breathe, my chest hurt and my pulse raced, but I refused to take a pill. What if I have a bad reaction? What if it knocks me out? What if I become addicted?

Our first day at Disneyland I became “excitedly overwhelmed”. I don’t know if it was the crowds, the excitement or the rush I felt to do it all, but something got to me. I had to sit and focus on breathing….in and out.

Husband suggested taking my medication, but I resisted with the normal excuses. After a half hour of being miserable in the “happiest place on Earth”, I decided it’s worth a try, and I took my first “emergency pill”.

It worked, it made me sleepy, but it worked. My fear of taking it isn’t gone, but it isn’t as prominent.

Like Mickey, I have a big imagination. I also have evil villains trying to turn my dreams into nightmares. Mickey needs Peter Pan, Princesses and fireworks to protect his positive thoughts. I need Xanax, and thanks to Xanax I was able to sit and enjoy all of Fantasmic without stress or fear.

It’s getting better. Next step: find a therapist.

Cheers!

Still Going Strong

heartbeat
My soul must move all over the place!

I had my second doctor appointment today. I had to have an echocardiogram done to check my heart murmur. (No results yet.) I have not felt nervous or anxious about the appointment all week (yay me!) Until last night…

I started getting a teeny bit worried last night, but Husband did his best to derail my train of thought before it got out of hand. This morning was rougher. I was very nervous from the moment I woke. I couldn’t speak as we walked to the bus, and I tried so hard to not let my thoughts go there.

There was a car fire a block away blocking the bus so we decided to catch a taxi. We walked the entire 15 blocks to the doctor’s office without ever getting a taxi. By the time I signed in I was sweating, my heart was pounding and my nerves were not any better.

An echocardiogram is an ultrasound on your heart, “no big deal”. Husband stayed in the room with me and I lay on my left side as the tech rolled goo all over my chest. This would have been okay if I was not scared of my own heartbeat. I have a phobia of hearing or feeling my heartbeat. I never lay on my left side for this reason.

My heart was beating fast from my nerves, and feeling it pound against the metal table made it that much worse! The tech was not very helpful. She kept telling me all about my heart, turning the sound on so I could hear it beat and commented that my hear rate was really quick. I was this close (my fingers are very close together) to telling her to stop and allow me to sit up.

Husband tried to lighten the mood by asking, “So is it a boy or a girl?” The tech didn’t find him very funny. He decided to quietly squeeze my hand instead.

Luckily, it ended ten minutes later. My obvious reward was coffee; there’s a Starbucks directly across the street. THEN, I got another reward: a New Orleans’s style King Cake!!!

I feel much better now, maybe a tiny bit worried about getting the results, but that’s probably “normal”.

Everyday gets a little easier. Baby steps people

Cheers!

Feel Good, Do Good and Be Good

Tomorrow is the day I begin to face my fear, again. I had plans, big plans, to relax and breathe and be all kinds of zen this weekend to fully prepare my mind and body for my doctor apartment, but life happened and I ended up working 20 hours this weekend. Bleh. I really wanted to wallow and pity myself for being stuck at work all weekend, but I am determined, DETERMINED, to look on the bright side, which was not easy to find. After scrolling through my phone pics I found some definite bright moments this weekend.

Friday marked the 100th Birthday of NY’s Grand Central Station. To celebrate the station was decked out with new exhibits, free concerts, free snacks, free coffee, free train whistles, and lots of other special events and famous speakers. All the eateries even priced their food as if it were 1913. We had a limited amount of time to spend, but we did all we could and I’m glad I got to attend such a big celebration.

Happy 100th Birthday Grand Central!
Happy 100th Birthday Grand Central!
Husband just HAD to get a free train whistle...I'll just throw that out when he's not looking.
Husband HAD to get a free train whistle…I’ll just throw that out when he’s not looking.
 A special exhibit that will be open through March
A special exhibit that will be open through March

After working late Friday, I came home to this excited pooch! No one makes me feel more loved and special than my precious Belle. She misses me every moment I’m at work.

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Then, Saturday morning I woke to this…

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Poor Husband was sick all night, and baby Belle stayed by his side all night and day to keep him company.

That night I made sure to squeeze in a yoga workout with my new yoga mat.

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Of course, today was the Super Bowl. I got off work with just enough time to pick up some groceries to prepare for the big game. I don’t know what happened to us tonight, but we somehow filled our stereotypical gender roles. Husband watched the game so intently that he refused to acknowledge any questions, comments or insults during the game, even the pre-game! (So not like him.) And I…I cooked. Like, REALLY cooked. I made vegan spinach and artichoke dip (I’m lactose-intolerant), half-vegan and half non-vegan vegetarian lasagna (I’m also vegetarian), and apple crisp. Nothing came out looking good enough to serve to guests, but it was all edible and pretty tasty. Most impressive, I did not burn myself even once.

Belle got sick of the game rather quickly. She's never been into sports.
Belle got sick of the game rather quickly. She’s never been into sports.
My half and half lasagna...it's not pretty, but it was delicious!
My half and half lasagna…it’s not pretty, but it was delicious!

Now, it’s 1am, I’m drinking ginger-lemon tea and pumping myself with positive thoughts to prep for the doctor visit tomorrow. No big deal. I can do hard things. Breathe.

What a perfect note on my teabag.
What a perfect note on my teabag.

Happy Superbowl Sunday Day!

Cheers!

Sunday Ski Trip

Zoey planned a skiing day-trip for us last weekend. I love the snow. I love sledding, building snowmen and throwing snowballs at people, but I do not love skiing. (Husband begs me to say, “I do not know how to ski”, but I am sticking to the previous statement.) I have been skiing a handful of times, and never had a great time.

We booked our day-trip with OvrRide to the Windham ski resort in the Catskills. OvrRide is awesome and for a very reasonable price we got a trip on a chartered bus up, free breakfast, and movies to watch during the trip. I may have been feeling uneasy about skiing, but the trip was definitely starting out on a good note.

I “do not love” skiing because I do not enjoy going fast, falling or feeling out of control…all of which happens when I ski (perhaps because I am not a very good skier…maybe). Also, I am terrified of breaking my leg or getting a concussion. I remember every skiing horror story I have ever heard….and they all run through my head on repeat during any ski trip.

When the ski trip was planned I said “Awesome!” and then planned on reading, drinking coffee, and lounging in the snow all day while everyone else skied the slopes. I would be perfectly happy to sit this one out. As we all know, I am terrible at saying “no”. Whenever everyone got all up in arms about me not skiing, I obviously gave in to their peer pressure and forced myself to ski.

Got my top knot and my fancy new Elephant Brand bag! Ready for the day!
Got my top knot and my fancy new Concrete Mode Bag! Ready for the day!
The lift
The lift
Check out my pizza position?? That is one skilled skier.
Check out my pizza position?? That is one skilled skier.
Snow lovies!
Snow lovies!

On one hand, I am glad I attempted skiing again. It was a much better experience than my last (in Kosovo, with Kamikaze skiers). I got a little better, AND I actually got to stay on the greens the whole time, so I didn’t have a panic attack about attempting the blues…again. Next time, I will definitely have less anxiety. (I did not sleep a wink or eat a bite the day before this trip.)

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my attempt to go a little faster
my attempt to go a little faster

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snow bunnies!
snow bunnies!

On the other hand…I would like to be able to say no and stick to it for once. At least I started off saying “no”, that’s an accomplishment in itself.

After a few trips down the easy slopes Zoey and I relaxed by eating tons of snacks, drinking coffee, and lounging in the sun while the boys mastered the blacks and all the moguls they could find.

See my favorite new water bottle? It's the best.
See my favorite new water bottle? It’s the best.
Such a perfect sunny day
Such a perfect sunny day
The boys returning from their adventures
The boys returning from their adventures

The bus ride home was warm and cozy with more movies and unlimited free beer.(I highly suggest using OvrRide to book a day trip if you are in the area.)

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Overall, I consider the trip a success. I had a good time and no one broke any bones. We were even home by 8pm.

Cheers!

I Cannot Get The Flu

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Under very normal, even under extremely positive, circumstances I am terrified of getting sick. Mostly, I am afraid of terminal illnesses, but I often think I have any illness anyone has around me. Hypochondria is just lovely, isn’t it?

Now, lucky for me, there is a flu EPIDEMIC. An epidemic! How serious does that sound!? At first, I thought, eh, the news is always over dramatic, it can’t be THAT bad. I have actually felt okay. I have not had any symptoms…even the ones I make up in my head. I have not even been too concerned.

Until today…not one, but two co-workers have come down with the flu. The students are dropping like flies, and Husband woke up with a sore float. The governor even declared a health emergency in New York. Luckily, I did not have work today. I did, however, have to run errands.

Running errands meant riding the train, shopping, exchanging money, and being around so many people. Eww. I tried so hard to ignore all the sneezy, nose-blowers all around me, but then….I…sneezed. Now my nose is running.

I cannot be getting sick.

I absolutely cannot get the flu. I have plans, big plans. I am flying to Texas this weekend to host my sister’s baby shower, and a huge project to complete at work. I have no time to be sick.

For those of you who may be wondering, no, I did not get the flu shot. Why? I don’t know… I am too busy to take the time to get one. I did not give it any thought. I keep hearing it doesn’t work. I hate going to the doctor for any reason. Basically, just a lot of dumb excuses.

Is it too late to get a flu shot? I just wish I could stay locked in my apartment until my flight on Friday…and maybe lock Husband out. Sorry babe, but if you get sick you may need to be quarantined. No offense.

I hope none of you have the flu, or get the flu. If you do, please stay home. Stay well everyone, and wish me luck!

Cheers!

My Resolution

For the last week I have been racking my brain for the perfect resolution. My ideas are pretty typical…workout, eat healthy, write everyday, be nicer, get over irrational fear of going to the doctor, travel more, stop going to Starbucks so often blah, blah, blah. Everything just sounded so boring, so overdone, and so typical. I decided I needed one simple not too unrealistic resolution.

Stay positive.

After all, I do write a blog titled “Positively Panicked”. Everyday (give or take a few) I write to all of you about my daily adventures, the good and the bad, and do my best to focus on the positive, the silver linings, and the humorous sides of every little event. Outside of my virtual life though, I forget where I should focus. In my reality, my negative thoughts have been out weighing the positive, and it is time for a change. I want to adapt a more Zen approach to life.

Like Luke, when it comes to all things life I’m adopting a Zen attitude.

On January 1st, we flew home and I did not think a bit about resolving anything. I slept late, ate fries for lunch, and drank coffee after 4pm. Everything was fine and dandy until our flight. When we got to the airport we had a 45-minute delay, which turned out to be the perfect introduction to the rest of our trip.

In one day of traveling my computer crashed, my Nook crashed (every single book was deleted), our plane seats were malfunctioning, the airport tram broke down three times, the third time we were forced off, we stood in the cold to wait for a bus, missed our train, waited an hour, took 5 more trains to get home, ordered dinner at 1am, and they were out of my entrée.

Somewhere between getting kicked off the tram and waiting for our missed train I remembered my New Year’s resolution. “Stay positive”. I was extremely pissed off at this point, especially since I had nothing to read, but I did my best to search for a silver lining.

That silver lining turned out to be a hidden box of Triscuits in my backpack and some quality conversation with Husband. We talk a lot everyday, but during the 8-hour trip home we had real quality conversation, and made real adult like decisions about our plans for the next year.

Another benefit from our unlucky trip is that my willpower to keep this resolution was quickly put to the test, and I am happy to say I made it home without throwing a fit or taking a very expensive cab ride. I even had a few laughs.

I just have to keep reminding myself: deep breaths, think happy thoughts, everything will be okay. I can do this.

Is anyone else adopting a positive New Year’s resolution?

Cheers!