My Wild Imagination Teamed up With Xanax


While watching Fantasmic at Disneyland recently we sat quietly during the pre-show to hear the famous speech that introduces the show every night….

….Nothing is more wonderful than the imagination, for in a moment you can experience a beautiful or an exciting adventure…

At this point I whispered to Husband, “My imagination is a bit scarier”.

…But BEWARE nothing is more powerful than the imagination, for it can also expand your greatest fears into an overwhelming nightmare…”

I lean into Husband, “That sounds about right”.

…Are the powers of Mickey’s incredible imagination strong enough and bright enough to withstand the evil forces that invade Mickey’s dream”?

“If Mickey had Xanax this wouldn’t be a problem”, at this point Husband gave me the stop talking and watch the show glare.

I am no expert, and I haven’t done the research, but from my experiences I would say the majority of people on anxiety medications have two prescriptions. One is a daily medicine. This one is typically an SSRI (a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) and helps keep the constant daily anxiety at bay.

The second is an “in case of emergency medicine”. Most people are prescribed a Benzodiazepine. You’ve probably heard of Klonopin and Xanax.  These drugs act as sedatives on the nervous system, can become addictive and should not be taken everyday.

I have both prescriptions. My daily one is a lifesaver! Oh my, I was terrified to take the medication (part of having an anxiety disorder), but soon after starting I realized I felt like myself again. Like I can make it through one day without sweating profusely, digestion problems and chest pains. The difference of being on the medicine and off the medicine is night and day, life and death, caffeine and decaf.

My “in case of emergency” medicine scares me. It has more side effects; it’s stronger, more serious and completely foreign to me. Over the last month there were times that I needed it. Times when I couldn’t breathe, my chest hurt and my pulse raced, but I refused to take a pill. What if I have a bad reaction? What if it knocks me out? What if I become addicted?

Our first day at Disneyland I became “excitedly overwhelmed”. I don’t know if it was the crowds, the excitement or the rush I felt to do it all, but something got to me. I had to sit and focus on breathing….in and out.

Husband suggested taking my medication, but I resisted with the normal excuses. After a half hour of being miserable in the “happiest place on Earth”, I decided it’s worth a try, and I took my first “emergency pill”.

It worked, it made me sleepy, but it worked. My fear of taking it isn’t gone, but it isn’t as prominent.

Like Mickey, I have a big imagination. I also have evil villains trying to turn my dreams into nightmares. Mickey needs Peter Pan, Princesses and fireworks to protect his positive thoughts. I need Xanax, and thanks to Xanax I was able to sit and enjoy all of Fantasmic without stress or fear.

It’s getting better. Next step: find a therapist.


Random Bits of Disney

Sadly, my Disney posts are coming to an end…I’m sorry. I know how disappointed you must feel. I will do my best to get to a Disney park ASAP for more magical stories. Until then, enjoy some of my favorite random Disney moments from our recent trip.

I used my “But it’s my BIRTHDAY!” line to force Husband into Mouse Ears for every picture.


While eating a shrimp taco in “Mexico” we caught this little squirrel hopping from stroller to stroller hunting for loose goldfish and stranded cheerio’s.

Can you find him?

THIS MOMENT. OMG. What is happening behind me in this picture?!?!?

Don't worry...after we took the picture we turned around and saw the girl and her Mom laughing and joking around.
Don’t worry…after we took the picture we turned around and saw the girl and her Mom laughing and joking around.

I let the Texas gal in me shine at the Frontierland Shootin’ Arcade.


The very old and outdated Carousel of Progress is one of our favorite rides. We never miss it, and there’s never a line!


We accidently ran across a couple getting engaged at Cinderella’s Wishing Well. It was so sweet! Their family was standing around them, and after she said yes everyone burst into tears and cheered (including me…).


I love riding the monorail around the parks, but sometimes is nice to take the ferry, especially when it’s basically empty!


We realized during this trip that we have NEVER seen “Disney’s Electrical Parade.” Like ever.  We have seen “Spectromagic” (the previous nighttime parade) so many times that we kept skipping it…forgetting that it changed. Finally, we stuck around and found a spot to enjoy the Electrical Parade.  We loved it, even though its very similar to “Spectromagic” (minus the creepy dancing trolls).


Another traditional ride for us is Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin. For almost 8 years now I have been determined to beat Husband’s score…I’ve yet to win.

My look of disappointment after seeing our final scores.
My look of disappointment after seeing our final scores.

Can never have too many of these guys.


One of the highlights of my weekend in Florida was catching up with a really great friend of mine. Don’t you love the kind of friends that no matter how much time you spend apart you can pick up right where you left off? Although; it would be better if there wasn’t so much time apart.


My Birthday weekend in Florida was one of our best Disney trips yet. Don’t be a stranger Disney!


Shopping list? Check!

I am supposed to be finishing my vows tonight. So far, I have swept and mopped the whole apartment, picked out my clothes for the rest of the week, made 4 new lists, and decided to write this blog.  I tend to procrastinate when I am afraid of tackling a big chore.

To clear my mind of all the vow brainstorming, I’d like to write about something else dear to my heart. Shopping.

It must seem to all of you that I have a shopping problem, and by problem, I mean addiction. Obviously, I love shopping. It just feels good to buy something beautiful. Take it home in a nice bag. Open my new present and gaze upon it. Then, when the right day comes, put it on and feel beautiful and brand new. Retail therapy may be the most effective therapy for this girl.

I should be honest though, and admit that most of my shopping this year has been window shopping, actual and virtual window shopping. I made a vow to myself, after moving to NYC, that I would only purchase new clothes, shoes, or accessories, if they were “needed” (Fiance hates when I use this word) for the wedding or a wedding event (i.e. shower, bachelorette party, etc)

I guess I also have to be honest and say that I slipped once and bought a few things I did not need. Just a few, and they were 50% off! Whew, feels good to get that off my chest. 

I have always had a love of shopping and getting new clothes. While growing up, my Mother would take my sister and I shopping for new school clothes each year, often on tax-free weekend. After our all-day shopping spree, I would come home and lay out all my new clothes on my bed. I would re-arrange them into different outfits, then put them in order of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd day of school. Making a fashionable impression the first day of school was always high priority. I am sure my 5th grade classmates were very impressed with my choice of blue jean overalls.

My Mother also got us new outfits every year for Christmas, Easter, any other really special occasion, and a new swimsuit for the summer. I should probably thank her for instilling a sense of fashion and an importance of new clothes for special occasions. Or, at least make Fiance call her when he gets tired of hearing, “But, St. Patrick’s day is a holiday, and it does require a new outfit!”

So, over the last 10 months I have been purchasing clothes and accessories when I thought, “Oh this would be perfect for a wedding shower!” or “This tank top is exactly what I need for Disney!” or “Pink? Rhinestones? 5 inches? The perfect wedding shoe!”

The other night, I started rummaging through all of my purchases (I kept them hidden so I wouldn’t be tempted to wear them early), and realized that I had EVERYTHING I needed for the wedding, the week at Disney, and even Costa Rica. Everything from a Mickey and Minnie in love tee, to a travel themed dress for the rehearsal dinner. I was so impressed with my ability to buy the exact number of needed pieces, AND even more impressed with my own determination to NOT wear any of these new clothes for months!

Fiance was not as impressed.

I tried to further impress him by describing the budget I created for myself.

“SEE! I even sat aside money for hair appointment, manicure, Disney car rental, our rehearsal dinner…AND I still have money set aside to get the last minute necessities from Sephora! I am so responsible!”

Again, he was not impressed.

Fiance and I have a difference of opinions when it comes to what I NEED.

I didn’t let his lack of praise phase me. I headed to Sephora right after work to pick up my final items (travel soaps and shampoos, perfume, eye makeup remover, and travel-sized lotion). That’s it. I am completely done shopping for the wedding.

I think that tomorrow will be packing day!

Or, maybe, ACTUALLY finish my vows day… We’ll see.