Learning Something From the Men

So there’s this blog going viral that everyone is up in arms about, rightfully so I should add. Typically, I wouldn’t want to give a negative and hurtful article any attention, but this one has bothered me, and what’s bothering me, no one else seems to be discussing. The article in on thoughtcatalog.com and it’s called  I Look Down on Young Women With Husbands and Kids and I’m Not Sorry.

To be honest, I thought this was going to be a humorous post, maybe even satirical, but it comes off mean, a little ignorant and very arrogant. The most shocking of lines are..

You will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids.

The rest of the post is basically saying that having kids and getting married is super easy, and we should stop acting like it’s worth anything. Before, I get into what bothers me most about this post, I’ll give my opinion on the piece in general.

It sounds like a young girl who is unhappy with her own life. Those who shame other people’s “accomplishments” and “happiness” are clearly unhappy with themselves. It’s wonderful that this woman can choose to not be married, not have kids and live a life with a fulfilling career, but what she fails to recognize is that not everyone finds happiness in their job. We do not all feel accomplished because we got a promotion, the same way we do not all feel accomplished after bathing and feeding 3 kids. Everyone defines success and happiness differently, and that is okay. It’s not fair to assume that your way is the right way.

I have traveled the world, got multiple degrees, worked great jobs, been promoted, received tenure, yada yada yada and, uh…didn’t feel “fulfilled”. I felt great, yes, proud even, but it was not what filled my cup.

She may also want to consider the fact that most career “accomplished” women were raised by dedicated mothers, who are often married. Let’s not even get started on the fact that countless women are happy and successful at being married, raising kids and working. My pediatrician actually has 5 kids and opened up her own practice 15 years ago. Or, what about people who choose not to have kids or fancy-paying jobs? What about the people who love life living like a vagabond and just enjoy life itself? This is why I think this must be a young author with little life experiences. She doesn’t quite grasp the vast variety of values and lifestyles in our world.

Okay, but now what really bothers me is this line…

I hear women talk about how “hard” it is to raise kids and manage a household all the time. I never hear men talk about this…Men don’t care to “manage a household.” They aren’t conditioned to think stupid things like that are “important.”

If men never speak of this, it is because they do not do the housework, aren’t married or do not have children. There are many men who are stay-at-home-fathers who actually blog about these exact things every day. This got me thinking though… one thing men do not do or talk about is how much other men suck. There are no “daddy wars” happening today, only “mommy wars”.

I am so sick of all the Mom vs. Mom, breastfeeding vs. formula, stay-at-home vs. working, kids vs. no kids, vegan/gluten-free/dairy free/soy free/gmo free vs. whatever-the-hell-my-kids-want-to-eat Mom fights going on everyday. What are we doing to each other? Why? Why are we so obsessed with wanting every other Mom or woman to live, think and behave just as we do? Are we so afraid that what we are doing is wrong we must prove that every other women is actually doing it wrong? Does that make us right?

Of course not. We have to accept the fact that mothering, like teaching, or like living, does not have a “right-way”. There are many different paths and styles that lead to success. We must not all be alike to be successful. So, today, and perhaps today only, we take note of what the men are doing and stop bashing other women. The happier we are for each other, the more love and support we show one another the better off we will all be in the end.

Cheers!

 

Everything is Changing

This week has been painful. It all began with me discovering that I am indeed NOT pregnant (when I really thought/knew I was). I have wanted to be a Mom for…well, for as long as I can remember, and now that we are finally financially ready and stable enough to become parents I just cannot wait. It is probably my fault because I have been obsessive, and stressing myself out this month thinking about finally having a baby. I know it can take time, and that it’s important to relax (blah blah blah), but it sure seems like everyone single person on my Facebook newsfeed has gotten knocked up this year. So tell me fellow Facebookers, what’s your secret?

I was so certain that this was the month that I had planned out exactly how to tell everyone the news. It all began with treating Husband to breakfast at one of our favorite diners and spelling out congratulations with whip cream  on his pancakes. I had already planned EVERYTHING. The planning should have been my first indicator that things would not workout my way. But, how on Earth do I keep myself from planning or getting my hopes up?! My mind is completely consumed with all things baby.

Other than that huge disappointment….it is our last week in our NY apartment. I have tried to prepare for this week for the last month, but with 3 guests and Husband being out-of-town for a couple of weeks it’s been difficult to get it done. We have a couple of days left to get everything packed into cardboard boxes and get all those teeny nail holes spackled. I am so excited to get into a real house with real rooms, but it’s still sad to say good-bye to our first and only New York apartment. In the last two years, we have had about 40 visitors stay with us, approximately 400 dinners delivered and only one mouse.

Since, we are moving out of our apartment, I will be moving into my Grandma-in-law’s apartment for the next month. Thankfully, she is willing to let me stay at her place while I finish up my last few weeks of work, but how on Earth do I pack for a month? In the last 3 days I wore a tank top with a skirt, pants and a coat, and rain boots with a raincoat. The weather here seems to be bi-polar. Do I need my heels? My cowboy boots? A bathing suit? Silver jewelry? My straightener? My coffee maker? A month is just a little too long for one suitcase.

The worst part about all this moving is that Husband is leaving for Tennessee a month before me. I hate when he is out-of-town for just a week. Now he will be moving into our new home, and Belle is going with him. I know I will be lonely without him here, but I will also be a little scared. Even though, my panic attacks have been scarce the last few months, I felt safe knowing that Husband is around to console me if needed. Just the idea of being alone for a month makes me anxious. Who is going to remind me that I am not dying? Anyone want to be my roommate for the next month?

On the bright side? Well… I can still drink coffee without fear of hurting a fetus. Grandma’s apartment has an elevator, laundry in the building, a bathtub AND cable! Staying at her place will be like staying at a resort this next month. And, even though I will miss Husband, I won’t miss unpacking and fixing all the little things in our new house. By the time I arrive, the most annoying tasks will be complete. (Right, Husband?)

Wish us luck as we start our new adventure, find new jobs and hopefully expand our tiny family!

Cheers!