I Need a Break and I’m Not Afraid to Admit It

 

just kidding

You may have noticed, that my blogging and social media updates have been sporadic and all over the place the last week or so. My life has been the same. 8 months ago, I would have predicted that at this point in my life I would be a super-organized stay-at-home Mom with a strict routine and an ability to get shit done. In reality, Luna is almost 8 months old and I have yet to get a grip on life and have not managed to stay on schedule for more than 2 consecutive days. I am a planner, always have been, and this new unpredictable life is a huge adjustment for me. I love my baby more than anything, truly I do. In fact, sometimes when I look at her I begin to cry because I am so overwhelmed with love for her, but sometimes (like right now) I need a break.

I stay home with Luna, although we don’t really stay home. We workout with friends at 6:30 every morning, we go to the park, the library, baby classes, shopping, Starbucks, her Grandparents, road trips, play dates, hiking, dinner out, downtown and a zillion other places. We are constantly on the go and we both love it. I love getting to see her every milestone, and I love that I’m her favorite person. It’s truly the greatest job and life decision I’ve ever made. BUT, maybe loving it¬†doesn’t mean I never get tired, burnt out or frustrated. Maybe, I need a break from my “job” just like everyone else. ¬†Maybe Luna needs a break from me. Maybe we would both grow and refresh after a few hours of being separated.

Don’t get me wrong, we do have some¬†time apart. I’ve been to shows to review without her, gotten my hair done, volunteered and a few other things without her. However, those times are few and far between. We do everything together. I had a minor surgery yesterday and she was literally in the room with me. I nursed her ten minutes after I was off the table. The angel child¬†hasn’t slept through the night in over a week, she broke my phone, ripped out the cat’s fur and has learned how to get into EVERYTHING. I haven’t been able to post a blog because every time I begin to type I fall asleep on my keyboard. I don’t even remember what it feels like to not be tired.

At home, Husband is really helpful and willing to do anything, but the truth is I do most everything for Luna. I always have and she’s gotten used to me, so when Husband ¬†tries to lull her to sleep or feed her dinner it almost always ends in a major fit until I takeover. I kind of love that she is such a Mama’s girl and that I am always the one who can calm her, but¬†sometimes it would be nice if Husband could put her back to sleep and I could get more than 3 straight hours of sleep.

As I type this, I can hear myself coming off whiney. “Woah is me, poor stay-at-home Mom, blah blah blah.”¬†I don’t want to complain, I¬†know I am fortunate. I have a healthy child that I get to spend every day with, which is more than many can say. It’s what I’ve always wanted and I am able to fulfill that dream and keep pursuing others. I am grateful for it everyday. I’m sharing my little daily Mom struggles because I have learned something over these last 8 months that is valuable to EVERYONE.

Not only is it okay to take a break, but it’s needed.

A mental health day. A stay-cation. A personal day. Time off. Mommy’s Day Out. Me time. Whatever you call it, whatever, you do, you need it at some point. I’m not talking about a weekend getaway or anything that involves a suitcase. I’m talking about a couple of hours to breathe, think, finish a to-do list, have coffee with a BFF, a date with your spouse, a chance to wash your hair, to write, read, but mostly to rejuvenate yourself.

For the past 8 months I have been terrified to ask someone to watch Luna, not because I’m afraid to leave her, but because I feel guilty. Every time I think about asking for help, I can’t help but think I’m being needy/bratty/whiney/useless/lazy. There are Moms out there who have to work full time and want to stay home. There are single Moms doing it all alone. There are Moms out there who cannot have children and would give everything to be in my shoes. Who am I to say I need a break?

I’ll to you who I am. I’m Hilarie. I’m human, and I need a break. I can no longer pretend like Mommyhood has not taken its toll on me.

I loved teaching, but every so often I needed a day off. You know what? I always came back to the classroom feeling refreshed and excited to work hard, be creative and see those kids who needed me. Luna deserves the best version of me, and I believe getting a little time to myself, or some time with my Husband, will help me to be the Mom I want to be. I may not have the strength to do it all, all the time, but I do have the strength to admit that I need help. Raising a child is hard work, and it’s supposed to take a village, right?

As I'm typing about needing a break, I look over to see my sweet girl just smiling away. I had to put the laptop down and play immediately. Who could resist that face?
As I’m typing about needing a break, I look over to see my sweet girl just smiling away. I put the laptop down, kissed those cheeks and played on the floor until breakfast. Who could resist that face?

Whatever you are, Mom, Dad, teacher, writer, runner, cook, lawyer, nurse, student…do yourself a favor and take a break. Get some sleep and come back rested and ready to give it your all. You won’t regret it.

Cheers!

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A Quick Getaway

I’ve been a stay-at-home Mom for almost 7 months now, and I’ve got to say, it rocks! I absolutely love being able to do everything everyday with Luna. I do miss some aspects of having a paying job, and still think about going back to the classroom, but right now I love being busy raising, feeding, changing, playing with, bathing, teaching, reading to, cooking for, cleaning up after, singing to, dancing with, rocking, nursing, snuggling and entertaining my baby girl. I’ve told everyone for months, that I know it’s a perfect job for me because it doesn’t feel like a job at all. I look forward to my days and do not mind getting paid in kisses one bit. Having said all that, I’ve got to say, that sometimes I need a break.¬†

I truly love being with my child. We rarely, and I mean¬†rarely, get a sitter. Even at home, Husband is always offering to do whatever he can for Luna, but I do most everything because I really want to, even when he does take her I just sit next to the two of them and watch. Honestly, it wasn’t until recently that I realized I needed some time to myself. Luna has had a virus and been running a fever for the last few days. She is needy, grumpy, sleepy and not her happy-go-lucky-self. I have spent hours upon hours nursing, rocking, tickling and caring for her. At night, she only sleeps if I’m holding her, so I have had virtually no sleep. While, I do enjoy our¬†time together in the wee hours of the morning, it is all taking a toll on me.¬†

Yesterday morning I had to go pick up a prescription. Normally, I would pack up Luna and head out to run a couple of errands together, but I decided at the last minute to let Husband watch her. After all, I was only running to Walgreens. After my very quiet 15 minute car ride to Walgreens I decided I might as well stop at the local coffee shop for an iced latte…it’s only 5 minutes out of the way. The coffee shop, The Good Cup, is so cozy with big comfy armchairs and local art hanging on the walls. The big oversized chair by the window was begging me, begging me, to occupy it. I may have taken a little 5 minute rest.¬†

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The Good Cup happens to be in a small shopping strip with some local boutiques.¬†Can’t hurt to window shop a little, right?¬†Then, my Mom called so I figured I may as well continue to roam around while talking to her. After all, it’s safer than driving home. Afterwards, I did finally go home. Luna was sleeping next to Husband when I arrived and all in the house was well without me.

I was only gone about an hour, but what a glorious hour it was. I didn’t realize how much I needed a little break until I took one. I forgot how nice it is to be alone, think and just enjoy my coffee. I guess I’ll have to let Husband watch her more often. I could get used to a Saturday morning to myself every once in a while.

Cheers!

 

Laxy Day

I wrote this yesterday, but our Internet has been out all weekend, so I am just getting back into the blog life. Gotta say…the vaca was kinda nice!

We have been so busy the last few days that I have not had enough time to sit and write anything. It was a really fun kind of busy though, so I really can’t complain. We had a 3-hour 10-course dinner at a ridiculously fancy hard-to-even-get-a-reservation restaurant (the Catbird Seat), shopped at the enormous annual Nashville flea market, enjoyed some sales at Opry Mills mall, ate at the famous Prince’s Hot Chicken, hungout with friends and enjoyed some Greek food, did lots of T25 and even participated in a Pepsi commercial that involved free Pepsi sundaes and free food trucks. We spent two whole days running around with Luna and it was exhausting, which is why I declared yesterday “Laxy Day”.

my find at the flea market
my find at the flea market

When Luna woke up at 6am yesterday I couldn’t keep both eyes open long enough to walk to her room. My body ached, the dark circles under my eyes were forming their own dark circles and brushing my hair seemed like waaayyyy too much effort. I considered the messy house and the list of ¬†writing sitting on my desk, but thought the couch and my huge soft blanket sounded so much better. When Husband got up and joined me in the living room I decided to announce that we were having a day of rest. I was debating¬†weather to call it “Relaxing Day” or “Lazy Day”, but because my head was so foggy it came out “Laxy Day”. I almost corrected myself, but then decided “Laxy Day” was the perfect name.

The only problem with “Laxy Day” when you have a baby is that babies do NOT understand the importance of laxing. I tried very hard to explain to Luna that “today is laxy day…the day of lax, it is NOT day of cry or day of being constantly entertained”. I even sang to her “lax little baby don’t say a word, Daddy’s going to buy us a Sephora shopping spree”. (I’m not a fan of birds.) However, even with all the explaining and singing my little girl refused to lax. So, laxy day was more of a play with a baby, take a nice walk, wash the cars, do the laundry, clean the floors, cook dinner all while staying in our PJ’s kind of day. Still a very nice day.

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Taking some time off has me feeling completely refreshed and ready to do lots of writing and sharing! Get ready for some new reviews, giveaways, and tales of strawberry picking, picnics, growing babies, workout updates and more!

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Cheers and Happy Memorial Weekend!