I’ve been MIA the last couple of days while I wrapped up my life in NYC. I had to finish work, pack all my crap into one suitcase (probably shouldn’t have shopped over the last month, woops), get lots of last-minute details organized and of course, say goodbye. I said goodbye to friends, co-workers and the Big Apple. It’s time; time for us to part ways.
Now, as I sit in the airport waiting for yet another delayed flight, I am overwhelmed with SO MANY emotions. I am so happy to get to see Husband tonight. I am sad to leave my friends and my job. I’m excited to see our new house (I’ve only seen it once in person!) and I’m scared about the many changes happening in our life. Also I feel incredibly guilty. I hate saying goodbye, because it always makes me feel guilty.
We have moved a lot in the last 8 years, which has warranted many farewells. Saying good-bye to so many friends always reminds me of the wasted time. The time I should have spent developing these friendships. I’m great at making the most of any situation and taking advantage of wherever I am, but I often focus too much on the adventure and not enough on the people. It’s the same feeling I get when someone passes away, like “I could have done more”.
My friend Sara is the opposite. She loves people, makes friends so easily and no matter where she is there are always friends with her. I cannot tell you how many times Sara forced me to go out with her in Albania, and I cannot thank her enough. See, I get set in my ways and I get comfortable. I’m shy when I first meet people and often it’s just easier to hangout with Husband, do our own thing, and avoid the whole “getting to know you” with strangers. It so easy to write this blog, spill my guts and be completely open and honest with the world. So why is it so hard to do this in the real world?
Sara didn’t care about my shy introverted tendencies. Sara knew we were meant to be great friends. She made sure that we had coffee together everyday, ate lunch together several times a week and very often went out at night together. Many of my favorite memories in Europe are with Sara. If it wasn’t for her being persistent and making an effort to spend time with me, I don’t know if we would have the friendship we have now.
So, as I leave New York I cannot help but feel guilty for not spending enough time with my friends here, and for not making a bigger effort.
The older I get the harder it is to get out, meet new people and make new friends. I try to make excuses like “I already have some kickass friends”, “I’m tired”, “It’s too cold to go out”, “I’m too busy”, and “I just want to stay in with Husband”, but the truth is that it’s just hard to make friends and I’d rather to take the easy route.
No more though, I’ve learned my lesson this time around, and I’m done with the easy/lazy route. I’d rather have more memories with more friends.
New York, you were wonderful to me, but we must say “Good-bye”, or rather, “See you later”. You better believe that I will be back! I have friends to visit and more memories to make. Nashville, here I come!!!