My Unlucky Badonkadonk

I may have danced for many years of my life, but I am not the most graceful person. I am always dropping things, bumping my head, tripping over my own two feet, and burning myself anytime I attempt cooking. My mishaps are often very embarrassing. Sometimes, I do not even tell Husband how I ridiculously hurt myself. Especially since it is often a result of me being careless and senseless.

This weekend I hurt myself…twice. Both are a little embarrassing, but also so silly that I have to share them with you.  I am hoping that some of you will get a good laugh, and the rest of you will share your own embarrassing story in return, to make me feel a little better.

It all began on Saturday night. Zoey, Husband and I all went to see the most awesome exhibit ever at The Park Avenue Armory. I will write an entire post on it another day, but for now you can have the gist. It is basically a giant room full of swings all attached to one enormous piece of fabric that sways from the ceiling.  That sounds odd, but trust me, it was the best exhibit ever.


After using the swings we laid on the floor under the fabric to watch it flow. A while later, I sat up and scooted back on the wood floor to reach my purse.  That’s when it happened; two giant splinters when through my jeans and all the way into my left butt cheek.

I pulled the big pieces out immediately, but I could feel tiny splinters in my tush getting caught on my jeans every step I took. That made for a very uncomfortable walk home. At home I attempted to remove the splinters using a compact and tweezers, which was a major fail. I tried to contort myself in order to get a better view, but in the end it was Husband who had to step up and save the day.

My booty was just starting to heal by Monday morning. I woke before Husband and got dressed in our bathroom to keep from waking him. There are steam pipes that run through our floors and up through our ceilings in every room in the apartment, including the bathroom. These pipes are connected to the radiator and periodically heat up throughout the day. They get so hot in fact, that they hiss and bubble and are severely hot to the touch.

So, I am getting dressed, which I rarely do in the bathroom, and I bend over to pull my pants up. I’m still tired and a little groggy (no coffee yet) and I start to lean towards the wall. My bare bum then rests against the steam pipe. It took a second or two for my un-caffeinated brain to make the connections: hot pole + bare bum = lots of pain. Have you ever accidently grabbed the wrong end of your curling iron? It was similar experience.

By the time I moved, screamed, and began hopping out of the bathroom with my pants still around my ankles my right butt cheek was already blistered up from the burn. I have never had a burn blister so quickly. Ouch.

Luckily, we had some burn cream on hand from the random First-Aid kit Dad gave me. I honestly thought, “We’ll never use this” when Dad gave it to me. Now, I am embarrassed to say how many times we have taken it out in the last 6 months. I spent the rest of the morning walking around pant-less for fear of anything rubbing against the burn.

I considered cutting a hole in a pair of leggings before leaving the house, but once again Husband came to the rescue and covered me with gauze and tape. Now, I lay here tossing and turning trying to figure out which side hurts less. It’s a real pain in the…well you know.


4 thoughts on “My Unlucky Badonkadonk”

  1. You poor thing!! I understand that struggle all too well… You wanted other stories to help you feel better, so here you go. In the shower once, I dropped something and squatted down facing away from the showerhead to pick it up. I apparently also leaned back because when I stood up, my lower back,all the way to my tailbone, scraped HARD against the bath faucet until I was fully upright and gasping. It dug skin up in an awful stripe on my back… :S The pain was indescribable. In Disney, for your wedding actually, I turned on water for a shower. Waiting for the water to heat up, I walked out of the room for a sec, removed all clothes, and when I walked back into the bathroom, everything was covered in steam– including the SLICK marble floor. And, completely naked, I cofidently took a step and promptly busted my @ss and ended up in the splits, which I cannot normally do! It was scarier than it was painful, and it was definitely painful!
    Another awful bathroom tale, my iPhone was in my back jeans pocket one day when I went to use the restroom. At the end of that event, when I stood up and pulled my pants up, I felt something drop and heard it hit the water. What was it? My phone! Not cool. Had to buy a new phone the very next day and was mortified to explain why when the apple associate handled my old phone and asked what was wrong with it.
    All of a sudden I feel like a confessor in the “Why Me” page of Teen Magazine. You remember that one, lol?

    1. OMG, I laughed a lot at the bathroom incident in Disney! So glad it wasn’t worse. I can relate to that first one! I once was taking a shower while staying in Atlanta for a work convention. I too bent over and stood up quickly, but I nailed my forehead on the faucet and had a giant naught and scratch for everyone to see! I hated explaining what happened…although yours sounds much more painful, ouch! And, yes i think this whole post is turning into a “Why me?” hahaha I completely forgot about that! Wonder if they still have that section?

  2. First off..I am so glad you wrote this!! Ha ha..I am no stranger to embarrasing mishaps and I am sure I have shared these stories with you regarding a bus. These both happened my senior year…I hit an empty parked school bus before school while I was attempting to park. So mortified and upset my mom let me miss school that day but it became known among the student population. Then when I had to start riding the school bus again I was picked up by the wrong school bus. Which brought me to Groves Elementary. Not my fault though..I was at the right bus stop and bus driver thought I was much younger lol. So I had to finish up the drivers route with all of these kids and finally get dropped off in front of the hs and was late. And explain to the front office what happened. So much more has happened to me over the yrs I should prob write a book..ha ha!

    1. hahahaha yes, i remember the bus incident, but thank you for refreshing my memory! Awww I still feel bad for you, and that is hilarious about taking the wrong bus! I’m sure the high school secretary thought you were lying. I think I would have lied and made up a cooler excuse for being late! I’m glad I can always count on you to understand my humiliating stories!

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