Side Effects

Trying to prevent some paint fume side effects...

Because I am a panic-attack having hypochondriac I try very hard to not listen to people when they discuss illnesses, symptoms, ailments, medications, pains, etc., etc. This is not always possible though. Every once in a while I am cornered by the casual acquaintance who I do not know well enough to ask them to politely “shut up”, yet know too well to just walk away and ignore them.

When these situations arise, I do everything in my power to keep eye contact with the person telling me their horrific story while singing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” in my head to tune out whatever it is they’re saying. I think I need a new song though, because this technique rarely works.

Even though I am well aware that their sickly stories will have a negative affect on me, my ears perk up, and I subconsciously listen for any symptom I may have that relates to their story. It’s a sickness! So, after I listen to the scary tale of the person who had a twitching eye that turned out to be a rare virus that ate their brain, my eye starts immediately twitching. Awesome!

I have been mulling over this predicament to try to find a solution, which I haven’t, but instead discovered an optimistic observation. SOMETIMES, people’s stories have a positive influence over my obsessive behavior. (Keyword: sometimes)

A few examples:

– In high school, while working at the local grocery store as a cashier, I was reading one of the trashy magazines in the checkout aisle as I waited for customers. In this particular magazine was an article about heart disease. It runs in my family, and I was curious about it so I hid behind the candy display so I could read it without being disturbed.

At the juvenile age of 16 I was not as wise and mature as I am now, and did not know better than to read about terrifying things like heart disease. WELL, this article suggests a healthy diet of almonds, salmon, spinach, sweet potatoes, whole wheat, and more to ward off heart disease.

Instantly, I became one of the healthiest eating high schoolers you’d ever meet, and it has stuck with me.

– Not too long after I changed my diet, I visited a gym with a friend and happened to glance at a brochure that listed benefits of exercising regularly. You know what these benefits include???? Supposedly it decreases your risk of basically every disease there is. Working out everyday is like adding years to your life, your healthy, happy life. At least that’s what this brochure said. And, you know who still works out at least 5 times a week? That’s right, this girl! (Insert two thumbs here.)

– About twice a year, I decide to give up coffee. This is usually when I find myself drinking 6 cups a day. Fiance tells me have a problem. I says I can stop drinking coffee any time I want! He then says, “uh, that’s exactly what an addict would say.” This all ends with me promising to quit drinking coffee… and failing.

A few months ago, I was considering giving up coffee again. I am not oblivious to the fact that coffee can make someone more anxious, and I was considering giving it up to see if it would improve my anxiety levels. About one day later, Zoey mentioned in conversation that she recently read in article about coffee:

“Did you know drinking coffee every day can lower your risk of cancer?”

I did not know that Zoey. Now is a perfect opportunity to formally thank you for giving me an excuse to NEVER stop drinking coffee. Words cannot express my gratitude.

– Zoey has actually helped me out twice… One habit that I’ve been trying to form is flossing everyday. I HATE flossing, and flossing every night is equivalent to trying to give up coffee. I mentioned this to Zoey one night at the movies, and she said that a friend of hers, who is related to a dentist or something, said that not flossing can lead to brain damage! I have no clue if this has any truth to it. (I’m too scared to look it up), but I have flossed every night since. Thanks again, Zoey!

– Lastly, I work with a guy at who is eccentric, charismatic, and awesome in so many ways. He’s a lot like the annoying, yet sweet, brother I never had. One thing this “guy” does daily is drink a “magic juice”. It’s actually an organic woodroot tonic, but I prefer to call it “magic juice”. He told me once that if you drink a shot of it every morning, you’d never get sick. (He NEVER gets sick.) I tasted it, it was terrible, and told him I’d rather take a shot of whisky every morning.

Within a month of trying it, I got a cold, a sinus infection, and TWO rounds of strep throat. After the second bout of strep I went to him and said I wanted a bottle of his “magic juice” stat! I was willing to try ANYTHING. You know what? I haven’t been sick since I’ve started drinking it! I may become the new tonic Jehovah witness girl.

Hate being sick? This does the trick!

To sum this up, I am extremely impressionable. Basically, if you want me to do anything just tell me it will cure all cancers.

Soooo if someone could inform me that spending half of every paycheck at Sephora will make me invincible that would be great.



6 thoughts on “Side Effects”

  1. Oh and that friend of a friend related to the dentist – was actually Trent, at a routine teeth cleaning with his dentist.

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